When was the last time you ever experienced a really warm, sincere, and affectionate hug that seemed to seep through every bone in your body? The one where you can feel how this person giving you this hug feels about you? Something that says, 'It's all right', or 'I am here', or 'I care'? Or maybe a hug that is so intense that it shouts 'I love you' so clearly that you feel so securely warm and eventually melt..
I can't remember anymore. Maybe 4, 5 years ago... from a person who might had thought he loved me. Or maybe 9 or 10 years ago, from someone who would'nt want to let me go.
Tonight is the eve of a supposedly 9-year anniversary of a relationship that, well, went wrong. The hugs that were meant before were not enough to keep this intact. But yet, for me, it's a loving gesture that should've meant everything...that is, when given to you sincerely. It is when you have the tendency to close your eyes, savor the warmth, and try to feel each other's heartbeat. (sigh) I've given out my emotions to the people I hug the most. My family, my closest friends. Maybe they can feel what I feel about them, or maybe not.
Right now there is only one person. He'd give it out without warning. Our eyes would meet and he'd come over and put his arms around me. His hugs are tight and very 'feeling'. It's an 'I love you' and 'I need you' all in one package. Damang-dama mo e. Parang ayaw mo ng bumitaw. The next thing you knew, he'd say, 'Labyu mama' and naiiyak ka na, cause it's been such a long time since someone really said it first, and really appreciated you....