Thursday, September 22, 2005

I tried..

I did a surprise move this afternoon. I invited Nikki to a movie. Though I lost hope already of any possibility that we can work this out AGAIN... with all my pride and self-respect already gone because of physical and emotional torture, I just got to try that perhaps I could make it work once again.

He accepted, but as expected, we never got to watch. Half-way to our destination, another arguement. He then blurted out that he just wasted his time and that he'll go home instead (he is paying rent somewhere..) I'm used to that. I'm used to being shouted at by him in public. He brought me home. I called the kids. Andee and Diego were oh so happy to see their dad. I left them alone in the terrace....

That was more than 3 hours ago. Right now as I am writing this, I am looking at 3 year old Diego, playing with the broken front wheel of his now dilapidated favorite toy truck. I can't help but smile at his handsomeness and innocence.. and how he would smile back at me. Then all at once, as if my world would again collapse, I can't breathe, I feel as if a very heavy brick got stuck in my chest, and tears start forming in my eyes, as Diego asked.." Mama, si Papa ko?" (Mama, where's my Papa?)

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