Thursday, August 03, 2006

PARENT - Job Description

This was forwarded to me by Ed. Thanks :-D

POSITIONS:Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, and various other titles

JOB DESCRIPTION:Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs P100.00 . Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat if needed. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to beindispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include the fact that your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When ! you die, you givethem whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.


fortuitous faery said...

needless to say, this is a full-time, for-life job. well at least, till they turn 18. or in most cases, till they graduate from college. :)

Reia said...

you hit the nail right on the head!!!! :-) but sometimes, it extends until before they get married!