Stupid is as Stupid can be!

Have you been in a situation where you are expected to assume a different personality or character? Were you ever caught between work and personal life? Or perhaps lose respect in yourself because of a stupid decision? Well, it's not the most wonderful thing in the world.

This is what I get for changing careers. I've ever been so happy and content with Retail Management (more than 12 years), since I'm working with people who are 8 or more years younger than I am, makes one see a different perspective in life. I've become their 'mother image' or a 'big sister', where the've given their trust and where their own decisions would also rely on whatever opinion or advice I give them. I can always be seen smiling, laughing... They in turn had given me an alternative home-- well, I am not exactly in a perfect and successful marital bliss.

Major decisions. Yes. I've changed careers. A bit on the advantageous side. More time for myself. I get to learn more. But did I really? The realities and pressures of THE real work place has taken a toll on me. I've been in retail heaven for the longest time, surrounded with people, busy with everything, etc... well, I miss those times.

I am to blame. I lost a dear friend because of stupidity. Because of pressures at work? Or because I don't have anything else to do? Simple. Just because I was thinking about my selfish self and what I was expected to do. I had forgotten that I've got other people to answer to. How can I be so insensitive? Miserable? Yes , very. Moving on? Well, trying to. But can't. I won't be able to find anyone like the friend I just lost. My fault.

Guess that's life.. and a big, big lesson for me. Wherever you are now, my friend, I want you to know that you'll be always in my heart. I sincerely am sorry. You've made me come out of my shell and smell the roses. I never thought that I would trust anyone again.... but I wasn't thinking. I tainted a good relationship. I know you won't forget, but at least forgive me.

You take care and I love you always.

The Great Raid

I got the chance to watch "The Great Raid" not just because of Filipino actor Cesar Montano (I can't believe I'm posting his picture here too!), but because of the historical relevance it has.

The movie doesn't have the grand special effects as "Pearl Harbor" or other war movies, but I did appreciate it... story wise. Shot entirely in Australia, I'd say they really did a wonderful job in depicting Philippine countryside. In the Manila scenes, I could've sworn I saw the Manila City Hall in the background.

The opening scene of the movie showed American POW being led into tunnels (in a Palawan prison camp) by Japanese soldiers. Poured gasoline and setting them on fire. American soldiers who were able to get out of the tunnel were shot by the Japanese.

I've got this urged to poke at my seatmate and say "Hey.. those tunnels are near my grandmother's house!" (There are first account details of this in my grandmother's book, 'Puerto Princesa during the Second World War: A Narrative History 1941-1945')

There were good and (mostly)bad reviews about it, but yeah, it's their opinion. I could not agree more with the review given by Roger Ebert . Proud to be Filipino, I am!

Cesar Montano

The Mayonnaise Jar and the Coffee

I would like to thank my cousin again for this. Ivy dear... you're the best!!


The Mayonnaise Jar and the Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much
to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough,
remember the mayonnaise jar...and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him. When the class
began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and
empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with
golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar
was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of
pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the
jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students
again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and
poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled upeverything else. He
asked once more if the jar was full. The studentsresponded with an
unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee
from under the table and poured the entire contents
into the jar, effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter
subsided, " I want you to recognize that this jar
represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things-your God, family, your children,
your health, your friends, and your favorite
passions-things that if everything else was lost and
only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter
like your job, your house, and your car.
The sand is everything else-the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he
continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the
golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your
time and energy on the small stuff, you will never
have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical
to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time
to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to
dinner. Sing Karaoke. There will always be time to
clean the house and fix the disposal." Take
care of the golf balls first, the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and
inquired what the coffee represented. The professor
smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you
that no matter how full your life may seem, there's
always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a
friend."

Have a blessed day and week!!!

The Woman that is my Grandmother

I spent the day today with my visiting maternal grandmother. It was quite a discussion with my 6 year old daughter to 'postpone' our Charlie and the Chocolate Party movie date for us to accompany my 'lola' (grandmother in Tagalog) today for errands, etc. before she heads back to her home in Palawan.

My lola (Carolina) , an 85 year old admirable woman will be turning 86 on Monday, Aug. 15th. She is the eldest of 4 siblings (incidentally, my great grandmother (Faustina, lola's mom), my mom (Ceres), me, and my daughter (Andrea) are all eldest daughters). She is a strong-willed woman. When she talks, everyone listens.

She grew up in Cuyo, Palawan where she was only able to finish until high school. She eventually became a teacher, gov't. auditor and city councilor. She was also Palawan Museum's 'reason for being' and curator, a writer -- her book 'Puerto Princesa during the Second World War: A Narrative History 1941-1945' (I did the cover design and lay-out for that ), an artist (sewing and pressed flowers), President of FORWARDE (Foundation for Women's Advancement, Rights, Development and Empowerment), co-emcees in their local radio station, Daigdig ng Mga Kababaihan (The World of Women) , an education and information drive on women's gender converns... and a lot more that I can't remember! Whew!!! .....

Anyway, she came to Manila because she was unable to receive her monthly pension for PVOA (Philippine Veterans) for almost a year now. Apparently, to her disgust, she found out that someone submitted a report to that my lola has remarried. She was raging mad not because of the delay or the inconvenience of coming over to Manila to fix things up herself, well... a little mad...---BUT she was more concern of what others might think (I say really... old school..) that she has remarried! We told her it was ok for us if she were.. lol... oh my, did she walked out on us!

She says she's too old for that kind of thing... which made me think. I may not know how lola managed to go through her daily life in Palawan. She lives in Puerto Princesa, in a beautiful house on a cliff facing the Sulu Sea. Her constant companion is her housemaid, and my aunt (nurse). She has kept herself busy doing lots of things... is it to fight her boredom? Is it to set aside certain feelings of loneliness without lolo (my grandfather, died in 1990)? Is it to forget her concerns that she could had done something that could've saved her only son (died last year)?

Lola has gone through lots. When we visited lolo's and my dad's grave in the cemetery this afternoon, she said something about not fearing death and having strong faith in God helped her through all this. I envy her. I am in the middle of a crisis in my life right now... and as I looked at her praying quietly beside lolo's grave, I knew that she's not lonely. She has accepted.

Something that I've yet, too.

A Turtle Named Tanya

I remember very well..It was in August last year, when Andee represented Miriam College Child Study Center in the 1st Golden Crayon Awards held at the World Trade Center in Pasay City, during the National Book Fair. Phoenix Educational Systems, Inc, Robins Branch (distributors of World Book Encyclopedia) spearheaded this Draw-A-Book contest, a parent and child activity, with the theme "Spending Quality Time with a Parent".

The contest actually started end of June, where parent and child must finish 80% of the book at home, and the remaining 20% will be finished by the child in school, in front of the judges and Phoenix representatives.

Honestly, I was more pressured and stressed out. Maybe because I wanted Andee to experience friendly competition, well, more over, win. Or maybe because of my known reputation in college (Maryknoll '89) as VP in its Artists' Circle and such.. that some of the teachers in Child Study were my batchmates. Expectations, expectations. Ha! really, what a mother thinks!

I watched Andee do the final oil pastel touches using my own more-than-17-years-Sakura Oil Pastels-- or what's left of it! I'd say... the quality of the pastels are really, really good after all these years! We received word after a few days that her entry "Tiny Turtle Tanya" was chosen to represent Miriam College Child Study Center.

There were 15 schools represented during that time. Each of the 15 representatives were initially awarded a Golden Crayon Award medal for winning in their respective schools. We were pleasantly surprised to find out that Andee was the youngest of the 15 (she, being in kindergarten, while the others were between grades 1-3)

There were 3 more prizes at stake: Koko's Choice Awards (3 winners) - Koko, being Philippine Star's kiddie magazine; Artist's Choice Award (3 winners); and Working Mom's Award (3 winners) - for Working Mom's magazine.

Andee's entry, "Tiny Turtle Tanya" won 2, namely: 1) Koko's Choice Award, which her work was featured in Koko's kiddie magazine in Philippine Star; and 2) Artist's Choice Award, where she got a glass trophy and free Art Lessons.

Wow! I would never ever trade that moment to see how Andee gets up on stage-- 3 times! Her face beaming, wide smile, sweet happy face! Good experience for the both of us, and times together well-spent! This made me see how a little girl gets and shares ideas, be creative and have talent that I never thought I'd see this early. Ha!!! Like mother, like daughter!

Hmmm... now if she could just learn how to sing....



Andee at 5 years old. 1st Golden Crayon Awards, World Trade Center in Pasay City, during the National Book Fair. August 2005