ABSolutely calming

Yup.
It brightens my day! :-)
It makes me smile.
It makes me want to cuddle up and sleep all day too (what?!? I have work?!!?)





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Zaturnnah Muzikal Rerun!

Tuloy na ang ZSAZSA ZATURNNAH
ZE MUZIKAL RERUN!!!
Shagashingshing! Sa wakas!!! Totoo na ito!!!
ORIGINAL CAST!

April 20, 21, 22, 23, 27, 28, 29 & 30
7:30 pm at the new
PETA THEATER CENTER
Sunnyside Drive, Bgy. Kristong Hari,E. Rodriguez Ave, QC
(at the back of Quezon City Sports Club)
Call Tanghalang Pilipino at 8323661




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School's out

Andee came home from school yesterday crying.
Yaya Delia said that all of Andee's first grade classmates were wailing when she went to school to fetch Andee. It was the last day of school.

I remember crying during 6th grade graduation, AND every 4 years in high school when school's out and during high school graduation. These were the years when I had an established group of peers already, or 'barkada' in Tagalog. It was also during this time when I had that sense of belonging, sharing secrets, personal stories, etc. Seeing Andee react this way was good as she has valued the company of friends.

Alone

It took two stiches on Diego's upper lip the other night when we rushed him to the hospital. He stumbled in the living room and his face hit the corner of the wooden table. I thought at first his tooth went off because of the blood, but later saw that it was a deep and wide cut on his upper lip.What was frightening for me was how Diego was crying. I know he was really really hurt. It was a good thing my brother, Baron, was here and we rushed Diego to the hospital. While the doctors were attending to Diego, Ron left to pick up my sister-in-law from work, leaving me 'alone'.

It was hard trying to calm Diego, saying that everything will be alright, no it won't hurt, yes I won't leave you, while trying to pin him down (with an intern and a nurse helping me) as the doctor injected anaesthesia directly to the cut. When the doctor placed a piece of cloth with a hole in the middle over Diego's face to start the stitching (the hole was directly over the wound), Diego began shouting "Ayoko ng Batman! Ayoko ng Batman!" I don't like Batman! pertaining to that piece of surgery green cloth with the hole. It left us giggling for a while. "Gusto kong makita si Mama!" I want to see Mama!

He was a brave little boy. Much like me, he can tolerate physical pain. But I hope the pain I felt inside me, he will not feel. For the first time I was alone. Trying to be calm. No one to turn to and assure me that all will be fine. No warm arm on my shoulder, or a hand in my hand. Calling the first name in my cel's phonebook gave inner warmth, to say the least (but I later regretted why I said I was ok and he need not come).

I was late for two hours at work. I cried while putting Diego to sleep. I need to talk to someone, and hear a friendly voice.
Thanks... 'you', for calling.

Diego says...

"Mama...pundido mata ko!"

Pundido is a tagalog word meaning 'busted' as in a busted light bulb. So when you say pundidong ilaw, that's busted light in English. Oh the laughs we had when Diego showed us his new 'trick'. Where the funny hell did he learn this from?!?!

It's for her

I never thought I'd be caught between being practical and being emotional. It hurts. Deeply. Everytime I think about it, it's like a great big rock on my chest, and somehow it also has a trigger in my tear ducts. It's automatic. I feel the rock. I let go of the tears.

My mom was home from her Palawan visit and asked that she talk to me. She knows how hard I am dealing with whatever I have right now, especially for Andee and Diego's sake. She would want to take Andee and have her continue school in Palawan. She laid all practical cards on the table... while I was dealing with the emotional ones. She has a point. And I, as now the major decision maker for my kids, had to accept the fact. She'll take care of Andee, her schooling, etc... and Diego will be with me while I try to get my life back to pieces.

For two days now, it's been a load just thinking about how I'll be missing her. In a few days, school will be out. Give another month and I have to take her to Palawan. Yes I guess it's for the better. It's for her. And I just had to let go.

Touch base

The one binding factor that all of mankind has in common, regardless of sex, age, or religion, is the need for human touch. From birth, an innate sense of calm and peace is derived from the tender caresses of a parent. And in moments of joy, fear, or solitude, there is no synthetic substitute for a reassuring hand to hold or arms to embrace. Nothing can beat that warmth feeling of having an arm over your shoulder, a hand in your hand, or just merely beside people you really care about.

They say, that especially with children, touch transmits even a better therapeutic 'thingi' or something of sort that makes them smarter, wittier, and even more 'malambing' ( did I hear someone say EQ?). With Diego (my 3-year old_ for instance, iba ang lambing niya. He loves to hug, kiss, embrace. He openly says "I love you's" with a reassuring look in his eyes (OMG! he'll make a fantastic boyfriend someday!). Between him and Andee, he had experienced the most hugs,kisses, and I love you's from me. (Andee was more of a papa's girl and grandma's girl).

I am naturally a 'touch' person. If I feel comfortable with you, whether you're male or female, then expect that. I make you feel special, whether as a friend or otherwise.. no malicious intent. I hug to show someone I love, welcome or appreciate, them. This is me. Lucky you :-)

To close, I'd like to share this excerpt from Bodysuite.com

The loving touch of parents and other people is essential to our growth, if touch is inhibited or absent, it is reflected in our self-esteem, our confidence and the ability to function and evolve into a socially acceptable adult. Touch means contact, and for humans and animals touch is of vital importance. It gives reassurance, warmth, pleasure, comfort and renewed vitality - it tells us we are not unconnected. When we are deprived of touch we feel alone and anxious.

Quality time birthday

Slept for only about 4 hours today. Woke up, not at all feeling tired or wasted (been out since last night and got home before 3am today), and this beautiful drawing was being waved at my face. It said:

"Happy B-day Mama Fr. Andee & Diego"

It was a drawing (and watercolor) of a cat, amply named 'Graffar" (don't know where they got the name) and according to Andee it was based on Mr. Bean's landlady's cat. Sweet! :-)

I would like to blog about how I spent my birthday today.. aside from answering birthday text messages and emails. I'd say it was different from all other birthdays I've spent. No frills. I was supposed to take the kids out for a swim.. but Andee was down with the colds, and had her friend Rafael over(remember the handsome little boy she introduced to me before?) Did a few errands in the morning (my mom hasn't arrived yet from Palawan..so errands I did).
I'd also say that this was a day when I realized how I would live my life now that my situation is somewhat.. not that 'confusing' anymore. Perhaps after all times spent with a few chosen people made me stronger, or more confident. I'd say that it only took an assurance from a person that took out the 'me' I missed for all those 8 years--- able to stand, at last, back on my own two feet.

31-28-30

Vital statistics? Nahh....
These are actually the top 3 age guesses I had today at work. It's a nice feeling how people get to know, and greet you with a 'happy birthday' and do an honest-to-goodness age guessing game. (Well, I'm definitely NOT complaining!)
It's nice too, when your team mates greet you a "Happy birthday!" and follows it up with "Yang's turning 38 tomorrow!" and hear others react "Ooowwwssss?!?" and "Wa-hhhaaaattttt?!?"
Quiet now. Let me savor that moment..!
LOL